Monthly Reflection: February 2017

February, known as the month of love. A month dedicated to every human being to show their love for anyone around them. Many make cards, others buy gifts. For me, I decided to write a letter.

———————-

To the Wise Guy,

You’re breathtaking. Everything you do amazes me, but when others do it I’m not impressed one bit. I wonder why that is. The way you tilt your head to the side like a puppy and the way you suck in your lips when you concentrate. How could I notice every little thing about you in such a short amount of time? Because of you, I liked doing things I wouldn’t expect to be doing now. You helped me get over one of my biggest fears and I have yet to tell you. Even if I was exhausted and wanted to rest, I would get up and head towards to where you were. I was okay with doing anything just to talk for five seconds or just to see you. I was the happiest girl ever when you bought me something that I didn’t want in the first place. I thought that I was the luckiest person.

 

“I fell for you and I fell hard. You bruised my knees and my heart to the point where I will do everything in my power never to fall for anyone again. It’s safer to stay on your feet. I would rather walk through life completely without love – empty; than crawl through what’s been pumping through my veins one more time.”

― Denice Envall

 

Maybe it’s better to be alone than risk loving someone who will never turn to look at you. It killed me. Why was I willing to do so much when I knew you’d do nothing for me and would just treat me like any other person? I would search a whole crowd for you just to find you with someone else. To think there was a chance even after you told me there wasn’t, how could I have so much hope? Over time I stopped hoping and just accepted it. It felt great to be able to be comfortable around you again without having any unwanted feelings, but the question was, were you comfortable? I’ll never know but I guess that’s okay, right? I was just glad that I was able to not feel any tugging at my heart anymore and that we were good friends. Until the thought of you with someone else was becoming a reality. Everything came flooding back, the memories, your words, the pain. Have I ever truly stopped or did I just lie to myself that I’m over it?

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